It hasn't happened yet, but I expected it within a week or so.
My grandfather on my father's side, Dimitri, is on his deathbed as I type this up. His doctors don't expect him to last through the rest of the week. My father is leaving early-in-the-fucking-morning tomorrow to go to PA and be with his parents.
I have no idea what to think, feel or say because 1) I haven't seen Dimitri in 8 years at least, 2) I'm not ALLOWED to go up with my father and say goodbye, nor am I allowed at the funeral, 3) He's been on his deathbed for a full 48 hours and I wasn't notified until about an hour ago.
Don't get me wrong, he's a part of my family - but even when I was up there to visit both him and Babie (that's the Russian word for 'grandma') he didn't want much to do with me and we didn't have a lot in common. He'd take me out to his shed and show me some of the things he worked on... the man was brilliant! He helped shape modern computers as we know it by inventing various microchips and processors. He had one of those GIANT computers that you could walk inside stored there (it took up approximately one fourth of the shed itself) as well as various work benches and tools. He once gave me an old processor that didn't work anymore, and I used it as a barrette. I still have it somewhere, I think, but I'd have to look for it really hard to find it. It may have been tossed in the move from OK to IN.
so that was point one I guess. point two... what the fuckity fuck. I don't know what to think about this. Here's the reasons I was given: Everything will be spoken in Russian, since that was his first language (He and/or his parents came over from Russia... that was everybody's first language. My dad is full blooded Russian, though he was born in the states.), the man doesn't remember me (he has Alzheimer's, and barely remembers that my dad is his oldest child ever), and I would be a burden. WHAT THE HELL?! EVERYBODY will be a burden on Babie in some way shape or form!! She has to house them all, feed them all, and help comfort them all! ONE MORE PERSON will not do much harm! Plus, even if Dimitri doesn't remember me, I remember him, and I want to say goodbye god damnit! I'm not even allowed at the FUNERAL, after the man has already passed out of this world!! WHAT?!?! I can maybe make an excuse or two for not going up there while he lives, but after he's DEAD? WHAT?!
as for point three... my parents do this to me all the freaking time. They did it when my grandmother had both knees replaced (They didn't want to 'hinder me from my schoolwork' for the first one and 'we didn't want to worry you' on the second one.) and they do it all the time with Dimitri as well as everybody else's health problems. Granted I'm not a master of healing in any sense of the word but I'm damn certain I can do SOMETHING! Hell, I've been called a protege when it comes to working with energy, and there are energy-based healing techniques out there, so LET ME FUCKING AT IT!!! Besides, I am a family member whether these over-zealous yuppie scumbags want to admit it or not. (See, I'm the black sheep of the family because I don't subscribe to their religion [Russian Orthodox], I don't take it up the ass from Babie [she's not my mother, nor does she know me] I don't speak fluent Russian, and I'm living at home with no job after having gone to college. [they use me as an example when speaking to my cousins to instill fear in them. "Don't be like Sasha! You want to live on your own and be successful and get married and have craptons of kids, right?!?! Yes of course you do."]) They don't like admitting it because, as I said, I am the black sheep of the family and I am adopted. I am not related by blood to any of these people. Dimitri himself, to my knowledge, has left me out of his will because I'm not the eldest male grandchild. To my knowledge, he's not leaving me jack SHIT.
Plus mother keeps busting into my room as if she owns my soul, demanding that I go to the store with her this upcoming Friday because my dad is leaving tomorrow (Tuesday) and doesn't intend to be back until Sunday or Monday. (LUCKY BASTARD!) She feels the need to remind me of this every fifteen minutes, and whenever dad gets a phone call she freaking stops what she's doing and closes the door, without another word to me. EVEN MY OWN MOTHER considers me the black sheep of the fucking family, and I'm her ONLY CHILD! I'm sorry, but this is a FML situation.
They reached all of these conclusions without my input, too. So when they told me that Dimitri was dying and that I couldn't go, I raised a bit of a stink. And they had all of their answers to all of my complaints already planned out, and dismissed what they hadn't talked about beforehand. It eventually came down to "You're not going and that's final."
What the fuckity fuck? I don't know what to do, say, feel or even think about this. My own viewpoint was just flattened by a god damned steamroller, I can't say goodbye to a family member who's passing out of this world, nothing I said to them mattered at all, and to top it off all of this drama is over a dying man.
Disgraceful, that's what this is. It's a fucking disgrace to what will eventually be the memory of my grandfather.
What do people think of this? Is anybody even listening? I would REALLY appreciate the input here.
Comments, questions, concerns? Go ahead and leave 'em, but be aware that flames and/or disrespectful behavior will be deleted on site. If you have something nasty to say, make it constructive. Thanks.
Listening: My mother and father talking in hushed tones.
Drinking: Water
Eating: Chili
Monday, February 28, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Zombies!
... Not really, but there IS a missing child in my neighborhood that looks like me! DUN DUN DUUUUN~!
I was on my bike somewhere around 7:30pm today and a cop started following me. He followed me for about a minute and a half-ish before pulling up beside me and rolling down his window. He never put his giant lights-o-patriotism on either, which makes me wonder if he's a creeper in his spare time... but anyway, he asked me where I live and apparently pointing to my house (which, I might add, I was less than 100 feet away from!) wasn't good enough. He rattled off an address ONE STREET AWAY FROM MY HOUSE (even creepier...) and then I rattled off mine. He then held up his hand like "Ok you can stop talking now", thanked me in a non-too thankful tone, and then drove off.
But yeah, all of that came about by just going to get some incense and cigarettes.
... yes, I have started smoking again. And it's a short story this time: I have a really low pain tolerance, and a bit of a weak will sometimes. Translated: I was going to see Loki at work somewhere around a week ago and saw a puddle. So I went to brake so I could go through it slowly or avoid it, and hit ice. I fell off of my bike and skidded to a halt... right in the middle of the puddle! I now have a semi-large bruise on my knee and a cut on my wrist. I was wearing my sexypants too, which made it worse. (sexypants = really tight jeans paired with a thong. Some of you who know me know exactly what pair of jeans I'm speaking of.) But anyway! I had to walk the rest of the way to Marsh (which was a decent distance) while in a crapton of pain. So, I bought myself some smokes to help deal with the pain. (yes, it does help. yes, it does mellow me out when stressed/pms-ing. deal.) And I just haven't put them down since.
But yeah, rantings... Already ranted about the cop, told of how I became a smoker again... hm.
Is it just me, or is there an over-abundance of parents who just do not know how to parent? I've noticed with both my parents, Loki's parents, Heather's mom, etc... that none of these people know how to parent. Period. My parents just don't know how to deal with certain issues. I've noticed that Loki's parents can't deal with reality without clinging to Christianity, and even then they're doing poorly. Same with Heather's mom. One day she's fine with something, the next she's not. Don't even get me started on the lack of parentage in that house! She acts like she's a kid, and expects everyone else to do all the cleaning/cooking! what a mess. Anybody else have a parent like this? You can rant about them if you want in the comments. (that's one of the things I'm good at - I'm a good listener.)
ALSO! People who run from their problems and everything connected to them - WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SMOKING?! Running from them only prolongs the problem or makes it worse. It ALMOST NEVER solves it. Plus, if your problem is a person or part of your life, you could be pushing away people who are willing to help you! Or maybe these people who you have a problem with would be willing to talk with you, and try to fix it! People like this, I'm sorry to say, don't have problems with other people or even anything else! They have a problem with themselves that they're running from, and they're going to keep running until the day they die because they are not comfortable in their own damned skin!
I'm sorry, what kind of life is that? If you are one of those people, GET HELP! I'm not a psychologist but if you want I can offer my advice. Leave me a comment if you want my two cents.
Oh right, and there's another thing that pissed me off: I was gone for three days (which shall be referred to as my hiatus) and there were two things that pissed me off. This hiatus was at Loki's grandpa's farm, where we had previously painted a closet white. (this closet took 12 hours and an entire bucket of white paint, for about a five by three square foot area. Loki could reach the ceiling without the aid of a ladder!) So we painted and whatnot, but in the middle of it we went to this college/career fair that was advertised in the paper. Loki wanted to go because there were apprenticeships there, apparently, and some good lectures. So I tagged along.
This entire thing was geared toward high-school students and their parents. While Loki and I were there I was mistaken for his daughter not once, but TWICE. (WHAT THE FUCKITY FUCK?!) Neither of us learned anything at the lectures. There was no schedule posted online, so we showed up about an hour late due to having to eat and gather our things. We missed the one lecture that would have been useful... we walked in as the presenter was wrapping up, and he told us "We're almost done!!" and stared at me as if I personally was at fault, as if I was the scum of the earth, and as if I should be ashamed of myself for being late. I'm sorry, I may have been partially at fault, but that doesn't warrant rude comments or glares. I am NOT the scum of the earth, and if anybody thinks I am then... so sorry for them, they're missing out. But there weren't even any apprenticeships there either! They only had the one lecture on how to find them, and that was it. The rest of it was colleges trying to get high school students to sign up early. We left, both quite disgruntled.
The other thing that pissed me off was when I got home, my parents pounced on me as if we were doing nothing but trying to give them a grandchild. (ONE, even if I was I wouldn't admit to it, TWO, I'm not ready for a child financially, THREE, I'm on birth control, FOUR, so what if we are?! Why do you care?! That's OUR CHOICE, NOT YOURS. ahem. >.> ) So I explained everything we did (leaving out everything they didn't need to know) and they backed off. What the hell? As if jumping down my throat when I come home will stop me from having a kid, or even make me want to tell you anything important EVER? Seriously, people! With the learning how to parent! (they KNEW Loki's number. They still do. If they were really worried they could have called and been all "Where are you? What are you doing? Be home for dinner." and I would have, if Loki and I didn't have plans!)
Also, Loki's parents want to meet my parents. Oh joy and jubilations, now I can die happy. NOT. D=
If anybody has any tips on how to make this go smoothly, please let me know? So far the plan is for everybody to meet at one particular Mexican restaurant, but nothing is planned past that... I know how to act around my parents, I know how to act around his parents, etc, but I've never done this before... the whole "Hey mom, dad, these are the parental units of the guy I'm dating!" thing. (My mom and dad have run into an ex's mother before, but that was only the one parental unit and was only for about fifteen minutes. This could last up to two hours or more, and is an official get-together.) I'm both giddy and nervous, and have no idea what to make of this! Help?
Questions, comments, concerns, fish? Go ahead and leave 'em. Just be warned that rude comments or flames will be removed on sight.
Listening: Taio Cruz Feat. Ke$ha Dirty Picture
Eating: Mint Double Stuffed Oreo's!
Drinking: Water
I was on my bike somewhere around 7:30pm today and a cop started following me. He followed me for about a minute and a half-ish before pulling up beside me and rolling down his window. He never put his giant lights-o-patriotism on either, which makes me wonder if he's a creeper in his spare time... but anyway, he asked me where I live and apparently pointing to my house (which, I might add, I was less than 100 feet away from!) wasn't good enough. He rattled off an address ONE STREET AWAY FROM MY HOUSE (even creepier...) and then I rattled off mine. He then held up his hand like "Ok you can stop talking now", thanked me in a non-too thankful tone, and then drove off.
But yeah, all of that came about by just going to get some incense and cigarettes.
... yes, I have started smoking again. And it's a short story this time: I have a really low pain tolerance, and a bit of a weak will sometimes. Translated: I was going to see Loki at work somewhere around a week ago and saw a puddle. So I went to brake so I could go through it slowly or avoid it, and hit ice. I fell off of my bike and skidded to a halt... right in the middle of the puddle! I now have a semi-large bruise on my knee and a cut on my wrist. I was wearing my sexypants too, which made it worse. (sexypants = really tight jeans paired with a thong. Some of you who know me know exactly what pair of jeans I'm speaking of.) But anyway! I had to walk the rest of the way to Marsh (which was a decent distance) while in a crapton of pain. So, I bought myself some smokes to help deal with the pain. (yes, it does help. yes, it does mellow me out when stressed/pms-ing. deal.) And I just haven't put them down since.
But yeah, rantings... Already ranted about the cop, told of how I became a smoker again... hm.
Is it just me, or is there an over-abundance of parents who just do not know how to parent? I've noticed with both my parents, Loki's parents, Heather's mom, etc... that none of these people know how to parent. Period. My parents just don't know how to deal with certain issues. I've noticed that Loki's parents can't deal with reality without clinging to Christianity, and even then they're doing poorly. Same with Heather's mom. One day she's fine with something, the next she's not. Don't even get me started on the lack of parentage in that house! She acts like she's a kid, and expects everyone else to do all the cleaning/cooking! what a mess. Anybody else have a parent like this? You can rant about them if you want in the comments. (that's one of the things I'm good at - I'm a good listener.)
ALSO! People who run from their problems and everything connected to them - WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SMOKING?! Running from them only prolongs the problem or makes it worse. It ALMOST NEVER solves it. Plus, if your problem is a person or part of your life, you could be pushing away people who are willing to help you! Or maybe these people who you have a problem with would be willing to talk with you, and try to fix it! People like this, I'm sorry to say, don't have problems with other people or even anything else! They have a problem with themselves that they're running from, and they're going to keep running until the day they die because they are not comfortable in their own damned skin!
I'm sorry, what kind of life is that? If you are one of those people, GET HELP! I'm not a psychologist but if you want I can offer my advice. Leave me a comment if you want my two cents.
Oh right, and there's another thing that pissed me off: I was gone for three days (which shall be referred to as my hiatus) and there were two things that pissed me off. This hiatus was at Loki's grandpa's farm, where we had previously painted a closet white. (this closet took 12 hours and an entire bucket of white paint, for about a five by three square foot area. Loki could reach the ceiling without the aid of a ladder!) So we painted and whatnot, but in the middle of it we went to this college/career fair that was advertised in the paper. Loki wanted to go because there were apprenticeships there, apparently, and some good lectures. So I tagged along.
This entire thing was geared toward high-school students and their parents. While Loki and I were there I was mistaken for his daughter not once, but TWICE. (WHAT THE FUCKITY FUCK?!) Neither of us learned anything at the lectures. There was no schedule posted online, so we showed up about an hour late due to having to eat and gather our things. We missed the one lecture that would have been useful... we walked in as the presenter was wrapping up, and he told us "We're almost done!!" and stared at me as if I personally was at fault, as if I was the scum of the earth, and as if I should be ashamed of myself for being late. I'm sorry, I may have been partially at fault, but that doesn't warrant rude comments or glares. I am NOT the scum of the earth, and if anybody thinks I am then... so sorry for them, they're missing out. But there weren't even any apprenticeships there either! They only had the one lecture on how to find them, and that was it. The rest of it was colleges trying to get high school students to sign up early. We left, both quite disgruntled.
The other thing that pissed me off was when I got home, my parents pounced on me as if we were doing nothing but trying to give them a grandchild. (ONE, even if I was I wouldn't admit to it, TWO, I'm not ready for a child financially, THREE, I'm on birth control, FOUR, so what if we are?! Why do you care?! That's OUR CHOICE, NOT YOURS. ahem. >.> ) So I explained everything we did (leaving out everything they didn't need to know) and they backed off. What the hell? As if jumping down my throat when I come home will stop me from having a kid, or even make me want to tell you anything important EVER? Seriously, people! With the learning how to parent! (they KNEW Loki's number. They still do. If they were really worried they could have called and been all "Where are you? What are you doing? Be home for dinner." and I would have, if Loki and I didn't have plans!)
Also, Loki's parents want to meet my parents. Oh joy and jubilations, now I can die happy. NOT. D=
If anybody has any tips on how to make this go smoothly, please let me know? So far the plan is for everybody to meet at one particular Mexican restaurant, but nothing is planned past that... I know how to act around my parents, I know how to act around his parents, etc, but I've never done this before... the whole "Hey mom, dad, these are the parental units of the guy I'm dating!" thing. (My mom and dad have run into an ex's mother before, but that was only the one parental unit and was only for about fifteen minutes. This could last up to two hours or more, and is an official get-together.) I'm both giddy and nervous, and have no idea what to make of this! Help?
Questions, comments, concerns, fish? Go ahead and leave 'em. Just be warned that rude comments or flames will be removed on sight.
Listening: Taio Cruz Feat. Ke$ha Dirty Picture
Eating: Mint Double Stuffed Oreo's!
Drinking: Water
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Dream, and other stuffs.
So I had an interesting dream, and I'll put it here before I add details and such on my "my writings" blog to make it into a short story.
The dream begins when I'm visiting Loki at work. It's sometime like two or three in the morning, and for some reason he's working the customer service desk. Also, I've noticed that it's not in the town I currently live in - he and I are both living separately in a different town, and he's working at a bigger, better Marsh with better benefits (insurance, better pay, etc)... I don't know how on earth i'm supporting myself in this huge town, but I will note that I'm on my POS bike.
So he and I talk for a while, and as I'm putting my bike away behind the counter (because, for some reason, the customer service desk is a penensula rather than a corner desk with doors into both backing walls) his female bitchy manager (who gave off energy similar to my mother - lots of negativity and condescending attitude. You all know the kind - those females who are "I'm better than you because I say so and because you don't know jack shit." yeah, he had one of -those- for a manager.) decides to make him pick up the slack for somebody else - stock this, pull this forward, these need to be stocked on -all- the registers. So as he goes off to do his job she descends on -me-.
Because I'm not looking for a fight I attempt to be polite and ask "Hey, my bike's not in the way here, right?" and she proceeds to yank my bike from its current location and put it right between the in/out doors of the establishment... though there's already two bikes there. One belongs to Loki (REALLY nice bike) and the other is one of those BMX looking bikes that have professional paintjobs to make them look dirty with trick-spikes coming out from both wheels and a pedal-backwards-to-brake system. She then starts trying to chat with me, as if she's trying to keep me away from Loki or stall me.
So then an ancient friend from college shows up in what is, ironically, a clone of Loki's dad's jeep grand cherokee - right down to the color! His name is Corey B, and he's also an ex of mine sorta. We're still on good terms, but for some reason he's got Heather riding shotgun, and she's dressed horribly. I mean, this-is-not-the-heather-we-know sort of dress; She had on a full dominatrix outfit underneath a skimpy dress that showed off everything - INCLUDING the dominatrix outfit.
Loki tries to come over to me and talk, since he's done with his extra work, but his manager descends upon him again, bitching at him and giving him even more work specifically designed to keep him away from me. Because, apparently, the invisible customers have complained to her about how we constantly make "Google-y-eyes" at each other. and yes, she did use that very technical term. "Google-y-eyes"
So while that's going on I decide to go outside and get some fresh air - and hopefully get his manager off of the both of our backs. I wind up talking with the possessed-looking-Corey and Dominatrix-Heather, and they somehow manage to get me to get into the backseat. I think it had something to do with food - We were all hungry, so Corey took us out for food (McDonnald's, of course, because the dominatrix insisted.) I get food for Loki as well, because I know he has a full 30-minute lunch and he forgot his lunch that day - instead, we wind up back by my house in my current town, and for some reason I'm packing up most of my clothes as if I'm never coming back. I mean, giant suitcase type of packing. So I'm packing my favorite outfits first, even if a bit hurridly - and I notice that there are clones of said favorite outfits in my closet. You could tell they were clones because the clones were bigger, and generally looked shitty... almost as if someone had been in my room only a few seconds before I opened the door to try to create this illusion.
So I pack both sets of clothing and get back into the car, riding shotgun this time, while Heather goes back into my house to talk to my mother in my stead (because we look so much alike that she can't tell her own daughter from somebody else) and, for some reason, it's working. She's gotten really, REALLY good at acting. Corey and I start talking while we watch Heather chat with my mom - and my mom starts getting teary-eyed and looking happy! Like the prodigal daughter had come home...
So Corey and I start talking about college, where we've been since then, etc. and then he suddenly grabs my left wrist (engagement wring and all) and pulls it backward as hard as he can, chicken-winging me without putting the arm behind my back. He starts asking me questions like "What's your favorite food?" and "If you could save one person in this entire world from the apocolypse, who would it be?" My responses were "I have lots of favorites" and "Loki Akiiki"... I'm in a lot of pain until I say Loki's name...
So then Corey's eyes go all reminiscent as he smiles softly and says "So you'd save Loki from the apocalypse, and not yourself?" and when I said yes, he said "Oh Sasha, I've missed you so much." He let go of my wrist and hugged me, and acted like he was going to run away with me. (since neither of us liked this twisted, dominatrix-obsessed Heather.) He turns off the jeep's lights and starts backing down the street (because, for some reason, it's gridlock going out of the housing edition and you can't turn around.) He backs onto the sidewalk and parks so we can watch heather freak out when she realizes her ride is gone... so she and my mother start packing clothing (including tights, lots of dresses and skirts... the stuff I don't wear, and have left... which should have alerted my mother that something was up) and then she spots us while packing. She looks me straight in the eye and mouths something; Corey, sounding zombified and posessed, says it for her: "He is mine, bitch!" Then I feel a pinch in my neck and I'm knocked out cold.
When I wake up I'm in Heather's body, wearing what she'd normally wear in real life - a lime green dress that I'm not that fond of. My hair's cropped short, which looks good on her; Heels somehow feel comfortable, and I tower above all of my female friends; and everything seems to be in order. My memory is horribly fuzzy, and if it weren't for my name being written on the mirror I wouldn't know who I was. My name is Heather N. W. and I live with my one brother and horrid mother.
Everything's going fine as I'm re-learning my routine... and then Sasha shows up with her new boyfriend, Corey. Loki tags along, too, looking extremely melancholy after the breakup. This is the first instance of feeling that anything is wrong at all, because I feel more connected to this Loki person than is healthy - almost to the point of obsession, or worse, true love. Because I am Heather, and I cannot trust any man with anything due to shit that went down a long time ago, in multiple instances.
I notice that Sasha's eyes are a different color than I remember them - instead of blue, they are green. I noticed that, looking in the mirror this morning as I put on my face, my eyes were blue instead of the normal green. This was getting strange - first the eye color, and then looking at this heartbroken male...
Then he looked up and met my eyes. My heart jumped out of my chest, and it scared me half to death. What scared me more is the fact that he kept staring into my eyes... as if he recognized me, or knew me from somewhere. Sasha kept coughing to get my attention, something she normally doesn't do, and I kept ignoring her - This was my house, after all. She'd get fed when I damn well wanted to feed her! Why is this man staring at me so much... and why do I feel like I know him, even... dare I say... love him?
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
LITERARY GENIUS! I know the whole body-switching thing has been done before, but what if you add magic to it and make it a horror story? Magic + horror... I haven't read about that being done before, or read any books like that before. Sure, I'm working on a magic + romance story... as well as a magic + action/romance trilogy... but magic + horror...? I want to try my hand at this. Expect an update to my "my writings" blog within 48 hours turning the above dream into a short story. Or do you think that it should be incorporated into one of my currently-running stories? All I'd have to do is switch out a few names here and there, and introduce two new characters to whatever story I add it to... and those aren't all that hard to do.
IN OTHER NEWS, ChaCha is being a bitch. They're trying to tell me that I'm under their QA standards.Which, whatever. I've made their damn QA standards every time except freaking ONE! Unless there's some invisible standard that I don't know about? Meh, while Loki's at work I'm going to re-educate myself on the "Mysteries that are ChaCha!" ... Wow. I sound like a total idiot there.
So I've also noticed that there's a lot of hate being thrown at hookah, which I've become rather accustomed to. Honestly, if anybody asks any questions about it, they are met with craptons of hate! What sort of way to communicate information is that?! IT'S NOT, YOU MORONS! Stop spreading negativity at people who 1) don't deserve it, and 2) didn't fucking ask for it or start anything. It's one matter to get legitimately angry about something and go bitch and rant about it, but it's quite another to force your agenda down someone else's throat just because you woke up on the wrong side of the god damned bed this morning. Some of us know it's "Bad for us" or whatever, but we do it anyway. Why? Because I have a life to live god damnit, and I'm not going to sit and make myself miserable for my entire life just to get to this invisible "heaven" of yours or prolong my life on this plane for 3 or 4 more months. SO STOP FORCING THE ISSUE!
AHEM, so I'm done. I need to get ready for my BF's arrival. We're going to be eating cornpops and discussing a bunch of stuff that neo-yuppie-retarded-idiots the school systems are currently turning out can't even fathom... like SCIENCE! *Bill Nye pose*
I knew I picked the right one <3
Have any comments? Go ahead and leave 'em. Want me to cover something in a blog post? Leave it in a comment and I'll consider it.
Blessed Be!
~SNT
Listening: Enya: Wild Child
The dream begins when I'm visiting Loki at work. It's sometime like two or three in the morning, and for some reason he's working the customer service desk. Also, I've noticed that it's not in the town I currently live in - he and I are both living separately in a different town, and he's working at a bigger, better Marsh with better benefits (insurance, better pay, etc)... I don't know how on earth i'm supporting myself in this huge town, but I will note that I'm on my POS bike.
So he and I talk for a while, and as I'm putting my bike away behind the counter (because, for some reason, the customer service desk is a penensula rather than a corner desk with doors into both backing walls) his female bitchy manager (who gave off energy similar to my mother - lots of negativity and condescending attitude. You all know the kind - those females who are "I'm better than you because I say so and because you don't know jack shit." yeah, he had one of -those- for a manager.) decides to make him pick up the slack for somebody else - stock this, pull this forward, these need to be stocked on -all- the registers. So as he goes off to do his job she descends on -me-.
Because I'm not looking for a fight I attempt to be polite and ask "Hey, my bike's not in the way here, right?" and she proceeds to yank my bike from its current location and put it right between the in/out doors of the establishment... though there's already two bikes there. One belongs to Loki (REALLY nice bike) and the other is one of those BMX looking bikes that have professional paintjobs to make them look dirty with trick-spikes coming out from both wheels and a pedal-backwards-to-brake system. She then starts trying to chat with me, as if she's trying to keep me away from Loki or stall me.
So then an ancient friend from college shows up in what is, ironically, a clone of Loki's dad's jeep grand cherokee - right down to the color! His name is Corey B, and he's also an ex of mine sorta. We're still on good terms, but for some reason he's got Heather riding shotgun, and she's dressed horribly. I mean, this-is-not-the-heather-we-know sort of dress; She had on a full dominatrix outfit underneath a skimpy dress that showed off everything - INCLUDING the dominatrix outfit.
Loki tries to come over to me and talk, since he's done with his extra work, but his manager descends upon him again, bitching at him and giving him even more work specifically designed to keep him away from me. Because, apparently, the invisible customers have complained to her about how we constantly make "Google-y-eyes" at each other. and yes, she did use that very technical term. "Google-y-eyes"
So while that's going on I decide to go outside and get some fresh air - and hopefully get his manager off of the both of our backs. I wind up talking with the possessed-looking-Corey and Dominatrix-Heather, and they somehow manage to get me to get into the backseat. I think it had something to do with food - We were all hungry, so Corey took us out for food (McDonnald's, of course, because the dominatrix insisted.) I get food for Loki as well, because I know he has a full 30-minute lunch and he forgot his lunch that day - instead, we wind up back by my house in my current town, and for some reason I'm packing up most of my clothes as if I'm never coming back. I mean, giant suitcase type of packing. So I'm packing my favorite outfits first, even if a bit hurridly - and I notice that there are clones of said favorite outfits in my closet. You could tell they were clones because the clones were bigger, and generally looked shitty... almost as if someone had been in my room only a few seconds before I opened the door to try to create this illusion.
So I pack both sets of clothing and get back into the car, riding shotgun this time, while Heather goes back into my house to talk to my mother in my stead (because we look so much alike that she can't tell her own daughter from somebody else) and, for some reason, it's working. She's gotten really, REALLY good at acting. Corey and I start talking while we watch Heather chat with my mom - and my mom starts getting teary-eyed and looking happy! Like the prodigal daughter had come home...
So Corey and I start talking about college, where we've been since then, etc. and then he suddenly grabs my left wrist (engagement wring and all) and pulls it backward as hard as he can, chicken-winging me without putting the arm behind my back. He starts asking me questions like "What's your favorite food?" and "If you could save one person in this entire world from the apocolypse, who would it be?" My responses were "I have lots of favorites" and "Loki Akiiki"... I'm in a lot of pain until I say Loki's name...
So then Corey's eyes go all reminiscent as he smiles softly and says "So you'd save Loki from the apocalypse, and not yourself?" and when I said yes, he said "Oh Sasha, I've missed you so much." He let go of my wrist and hugged me, and acted like he was going to run away with me. (since neither of us liked this twisted, dominatrix-obsessed Heather.) He turns off the jeep's lights and starts backing down the street (because, for some reason, it's gridlock going out of the housing edition and you can't turn around.) He backs onto the sidewalk and parks so we can watch heather freak out when she realizes her ride is gone... so she and my mother start packing clothing (including tights, lots of dresses and skirts... the stuff I don't wear, and have left... which should have alerted my mother that something was up) and then she spots us while packing. She looks me straight in the eye and mouths something; Corey, sounding zombified and posessed, says it for her: "He is mine, bitch!" Then I feel a pinch in my neck and I'm knocked out cold.
When I wake up I'm in Heather's body, wearing what she'd normally wear in real life - a lime green dress that I'm not that fond of. My hair's cropped short, which looks good on her; Heels somehow feel comfortable, and I tower above all of my female friends; and everything seems to be in order. My memory is horribly fuzzy, and if it weren't for my name being written on the mirror I wouldn't know who I was. My name is Heather N. W. and I live with my one brother and horrid mother.
Everything's going fine as I'm re-learning my routine... and then Sasha shows up with her new boyfriend, Corey. Loki tags along, too, looking extremely melancholy after the breakup. This is the first instance of feeling that anything is wrong at all, because I feel more connected to this Loki person than is healthy - almost to the point of obsession, or worse, true love. Because I am Heather, and I cannot trust any man with anything due to shit that went down a long time ago, in multiple instances.
I notice that Sasha's eyes are a different color than I remember them - instead of blue, they are green. I noticed that, looking in the mirror this morning as I put on my face, my eyes were blue instead of the normal green. This was getting strange - first the eye color, and then looking at this heartbroken male...
Then he looked up and met my eyes. My heart jumped out of my chest, and it scared me half to death. What scared me more is the fact that he kept staring into my eyes... as if he recognized me, or knew me from somewhere. Sasha kept coughing to get my attention, something she normally doesn't do, and I kept ignoring her - This was my house, after all. She'd get fed when I damn well wanted to feed her! Why is this man staring at me so much... and why do I feel like I know him, even... dare I say... love him?
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
LITERARY GENIUS! I know the whole body-switching thing has been done before, but what if you add magic to it and make it a horror story? Magic + horror... I haven't read about that being done before, or read any books like that before. Sure, I'm working on a magic + romance story... as well as a magic + action/romance trilogy... but magic + horror...? I want to try my hand at this. Expect an update to my "my writings" blog within 48 hours turning the above dream into a short story. Or do you think that it should be incorporated into one of my currently-running stories? All I'd have to do is switch out a few names here and there, and introduce two new characters to whatever story I add it to... and those aren't all that hard to do.
IN OTHER NEWS, ChaCha is being a bitch. They're trying to tell me that I'm under their QA standards.Which, whatever. I've made their damn QA standards every time except freaking ONE! Unless there's some invisible standard that I don't know about? Meh, while Loki's at work I'm going to re-educate myself on the "Mysteries that are ChaCha!" ... Wow. I sound like a total idiot there.
So I've also noticed that there's a lot of hate being thrown at hookah, which I've become rather accustomed to. Honestly, if anybody asks any questions about it, they are met with craptons of hate! What sort of way to communicate information is that?! IT'S NOT, YOU MORONS! Stop spreading negativity at people who 1) don't deserve it, and 2) didn't fucking ask for it or start anything. It's one matter to get legitimately angry about something and go bitch and rant about it, but it's quite another to force your agenda down someone else's throat just because you woke up on the wrong side of the god damned bed this morning. Some of us know it's "Bad for us" or whatever, but we do it anyway. Why? Because I have a life to live god damnit, and I'm not going to sit and make myself miserable for my entire life just to get to this invisible "heaven" of yours or prolong my life on this plane for 3 or 4 more months. SO STOP FORCING THE ISSUE!
AHEM, so I'm done. I need to get ready for my BF's arrival. We're going to be eating cornpops and discussing a bunch of stuff that neo-yuppie-retarded-idiots the school systems are currently turning out can't even fathom... like SCIENCE! *Bill Nye pose*
I knew I picked the right one <3
Have any comments? Go ahead and leave 'em. Want me to cover something in a blog post? Leave it in a comment and I'll consider it.
Blessed Be!
~SNT
Listening: Enya: Wild Child
Saturday, February 12, 2011
WHAT THE FUCK?!?!
The title says it all, and I am appalled. LOOK AT THIS BULLSHIT.
I mean, seriously! Take marriage classes or pay higher fees? That's just fucking retarded!
1) I bet you'll have to pay at least $150 for the courses to begin with, because you have to pay the teacher (even though, since it'll be run by a church, it's tax deductible) so the higher fee is still less than the stupidity, I'll bet... 2) IT'S ALL RUN BY CHURCHES! What on EARTH is supposed to happen here?! "Yes, your marriage would be godly and in-line with our christian life-views, so go ahead" or "No, he's *insert different religion here* so you can't get married! It's not biblical!" Well guess what, that's not CONSTITUTIONAL you motherfuckers!
REALLY?!?!
Some choice quotes:
"Cindy Noe, R-Indianapolis, said marriage preparation classes would strengthen Indiana families and help prevent family fragmentation." <--- BULLSHIT! There are already a shitton of families out there that have broken and been torn apart over money alone, let alone religious conflicts! Plus, what are you going to say about one of my good friend's parents, who are both Catholics (I don't care who you are or what you say, THEY ARE A BRANCH OF THE CHRISTIAN RELIGION) and, because of their religion, can't divorce. That has scared my friend and her sister FOR LIFE, and the only reason those two are still together is religion alone. That's some fucked up shit right there.
“This would be a real milestone and a real help,” she said. “It would have long-term benefits.” LIKE WHAT?!?! Pissing off the entire state of Indiana, you moron?! With something like this, you're basically telling the entire state "you know what, I don't think any of you people are smart enough to choose your mate for yourself, or are anywhere NEAR mature enough to handle marriage on your own, so we have to prepare you for it before hand, just like school!" Yeah, guess what, the American school system is fucked up enough as it is and turning out more retards than a crack baby on heroine. Congratulations, you idiot, you've just pissed off everybody in the state that isn't a snot-nosed, soup-for-brains, drooling christian. (and no, not all Christians are that way. Though I've noticed an alarming number who ARE. I'M JUST SAYING!!)
"Rep. Vanessa Summers, D-Indianapolis, raised the chief question of many critics who find it ironic that Republicans, who often want little interference from the government, would propose such a bill." Uhm, yeah. That's because that particular republican took a bribe from some church somewhere to push their agenda! If none of you can see this, you need to have your eyes checked.
"but he was concerned with government telling churches what should be taught in their marriage classes." Uhm, excuse me, but I don't want to be told what to do inside of my marriage. If I don't want to be submissive to my husband 24/7 and act like this perfect wallflower that does nothing but stand in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant, then I'm going to act differently! Y'know what somebody in a local church told me before I met Loki? "Well, we (as women) are submissive to our husbands because... well... what do you call something with two heads? A monster, right? The man's job is to be the head of the household and ONLY provider."So what this person was telling me is that I wasn't allowed to have a career, according to the Brownsburg Baptist Church that's right outside my neighborhood. Good to know that my ambitions are safe in your church's hands, o christian god! See, they're already teaching what should and should not be done, whether the government pokes their noses in or not! And as soon as the government makes these ridiculous classes mandatory, it's only a small step or two to outlawing every religion in this country except christianity. I'm sorry but if that happens I'm fleeing to Canada!
“It's 90 percent good,” he said. “It's 1 percent government getting their foot in the door.” You know, that only adds up to 91%. This is only proving one of two things: 1) that our government officials are really retarded, or 2) that there is 9% of this bill that is nothing but a pork-barrel. If none of you know what that is, fucking google it and learn something. Plus I think that this person made up that statistic without even reading the damned thing; that's right, whoever-the-fuck-you-are, I'm calling you out!
Grow some fucking balls and quit trying to deal with the scary reality of declining marriage rates, divorces, and childhood abuse cases by forcing -new- couples into a god damned classroom lead by the POPE, OK?! All he's gonna do is be all "You're both mature, just go get married... but thanks for the money! hahahahaha!"
"Courses could be taught by therapists, social workers, clergy members or others outlined in the bill." So, what you're saying is, "Therapists don't deal with enough whining per day, Social workers don't have enough work to do, and the church can handle everything, including teaching marriage courses because god magically gives them the ability to do so!" You people do realize just how idiotic this sounds to the rest of the world, right?
Onto a different topic...
So I got drunk and told all of my friends during Heather's 23rd birthday party that I'm now Wiccan. Most of them were cool with it, but Ami and Heather were both like "WHAT?!?! Who are you and what have you done with my SISTER?! D= " Yeah, well, I'm still the same person, but I'm just not taking it up the ass by the preacher and everyone else he decides needs to interfere with my daily life. Plus, I don't have to get up early on Sunday if I don't -want- to, I don't have to drive to a building full of people dressed in their best (to 'impress' the invisible man) and fall asleep in the pews while old people sing really soft songs that are DESIGNED to put you to sleep in the first place!
Anyway, after everybody left Heather and I got into a ten minute debate on religions. She expected me to shove my religion down her throat, just as she was trying to make me become christian again... Uhm, no. If she wants to remain christian, she can. All I'm saying is that I don't want to follow a religion that uses guilt as its main tool to keep people on the straight and narrow, requires you to not do a crapton of stuff that's perfectly harmless in most cases (such as drinking or smoking one once in a blue moon, or swearing! What's so horrible about a -word- ... c'mon people. Don't even get me started on the retarded "no pre-marital sex" crap.)
So, because most people have not read the wiccan rede, here's a link explaining it. Enjoy educating yourself, and if you think you're going to beat me over the head with a spiked bible in order to get me to "see the light", just realize that you'll be doing nothing more than alienating me. The only light I'll be seeing is "stars", and that's due to the occipital lobe in my brain hitting the back of my skull, not any sort of divine intervention. I do worship... in several forms, if you must know. but I'll put that in my book of shadows once I get around to it.
This makes me wonder just exactly how much people know about wicca. Yes, Gerald Gardner went public about his practice, and put his own spin on things. These are the only records we have of the religion, because of certain laws that were in effect at one point that made it a crime (punishable by death, no less) to be a witch. To reveal yourself meant death! THAT is why there is no data past when Gardner came out, not because he "created" the religion. Don't believe me? Look it up.
Yes, I'm slightly pissed off because of the idea of being monetarily forced into taking a retarded, religiously-led "class" and fencing with one of my friends who I consider a sister on the issue of religion. I think she's probably going to drop me as one of her friends simply because she and I no longer follow the same faith, which is rather sad because we don't really have anything in common past that, I think... except similar taste in books, disturbingly similar looks, and even more disturbingly similar taste in men. (we both like a good mystery / romance, we get remarks on how she's the older sister and i'm the younger [because i'm shorter than she is, and it's actually reversed] every time either of us refers to the other as "sis" or "my sister", ... we both went after Bryan, and she said that if she were single and I wasn't dating Loki she'd go after him. ... sorry Heather, he's MINE.)
So now I get to have a little rocky road ice cream and type up some things in my book of shadows!
Have any comments? Go ahead and leave 'em. Want me to cover something in a blog post? Leave it in a comment and I'll consider it.
Blessed Be!
~SNT
Listening: Katy Perry, Firework
Drinking: H2O!
Eating: Rocky Road ice cream! Yum!
I mean, seriously! Take marriage classes or pay higher fees? That's just fucking retarded!
1) I bet you'll have to pay at least $150 for the courses to begin with, because you have to pay the teacher (even though, since it'll be run by a church, it's tax deductible) so the higher fee is still less than the stupidity, I'll bet... 2) IT'S ALL RUN BY CHURCHES! What on EARTH is supposed to happen here?! "Yes, your marriage would be godly and in-line with our christian life-views, so go ahead" or "No, he's *insert different religion here* so you can't get married! It's not biblical!" Well guess what, that's not CONSTITUTIONAL you motherfuckers!
REALLY?!?!
Some choice quotes:
"Cindy Noe, R-Indianapolis, said marriage preparation classes would strengthen Indiana families and help prevent family fragmentation." <--- BULLSHIT! There are already a shitton of families out there that have broken and been torn apart over money alone, let alone religious conflicts! Plus, what are you going to say about one of my good friend's parents, who are both Catholics (I don't care who you are or what you say, THEY ARE A BRANCH OF THE CHRISTIAN RELIGION) and, because of their religion, can't divorce. That has scared my friend and her sister FOR LIFE, and the only reason those two are still together is religion alone. That's some fucked up shit right there.
“This would be a real milestone and a real help,” she said. “It would have long-term benefits.” LIKE WHAT?!?! Pissing off the entire state of Indiana, you moron?! With something like this, you're basically telling the entire state "you know what, I don't think any of you people are smart enough to choose your mate for yourself, or are anywhere NEAR mature enough to handle marriage on your own, so we have to prepare you for it before hand, just like school!" Yeah, guess what, the American school system is fucked up enough as it is and turning out more retards than a crack baby on heroine. Congratulations, you idiot, you've just pissed off everybody in the state that isn't a snot-nosed, soup-for-brains, drooling christian. (and no, not all Christians are that way. Though I've noticed an alarming number who ARE. I'M JUST SAYING!!)
"Rep. Vanessa Summers, D-Indianapolis, raised the chief question of many critics who find it ironic that Republicans, who often want little interference from the government, would propose such a bill." Uhm, yeah. That's because that particular republican took a bribe from some church somewhere to push their agenda! If none of you can see this, you need to have your eyes checked.
“Don't you think this is government intrusion?” she asked.
Noe said there was a critical need for healthy relationships in Indiana, and that divorce leads to other problems and hurts children. Vivian Finnell, who leads a faith-based advocacy group against domestic violence called Not To Believers Like Us, said something had to be done.
"This would be a positive intrusion," she said.WHAT?! There IS NO SUCH THING as a POSITIVE intrusion! The word "intrusion" has a negative connotation, you moron! Oh, right, there may be some "Un-learned" people here. For those of you who don't know what a connotation is, here's the definition: Connotation is a subjective cultural and/or emotional coloration in addition to the explicit or denotative meaning of any specific word or phrase in a language, i.e. emotional association with a word. EVEN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE DISAGREES WITH YOU, YOU IDIOT! Not to mention the fact that the above pretty much solidifies my theory from earlier: This is an agenda from right-wing christians who want to control who gets married, who doesn't, and make sure we all live like good, idiotic little sheep. I'm sorry, but I'm going to pull a quote from Zeitgeist... a movie that quoted it from somewhere else: "I'M A HUMAN BEING, GOD DAMNIT! MY LIFE HAS VALUE!""but he was concerned with government telling churches what should be taught in their marriage classes." Uhm, excuse me, but I don't want to be told what to do inside of my marriage. If I don't want to be submissive to my husband 24/7 and act like this perfect wallflower that does nothing but stand in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant, then I'm going to act differently! Y'know what somebody in a local church told me before I met Loki? "Well, we (as women) are submissive to our husbands because... well... what do you call something with two heads? A monster, right? The man's job is to be the head of the household and ONLY provider."So what this person was telling me is that I wasn't allowed to have a career, according to the Brownsburg Baptist Church that's right outside my neighborhood. Good to know that my ambitions are safe in your church's hands, o christian god! See, they're already teaching what should and should not be done, whether the government pokes their noses in or not! And as soon as the government makes these ridiculous classes mandatory, it's only a small step or two to outlawing every religion in this country except christianity. I'm sorry but if that happens I'm fleeing to Canada!
“It's 90 percent good,” he said. “It's 1 percent government getting their foot in the door.” You know, that only adds up to 91%. This is only proving one of two things: 1) that our government officials are really retarded, or 2) that there is 9% of this bill that is nothing but a pork-barrel. If none of you know what that is, fucking google it and learn something. Plus I think that this person made up that statistic without even reading the damned thing; that's right, whoever-the-fuck-you-are, I'm calling you out!
Noe said she was still working on some of the proposal's specifics and could make changes to the bill next week. Rep. John Day, D-Indianapolis, questioned why Noe didn't simply require all couples to take premarital classes before their wedding day.
Noe said that would be a little too much intrusion, though she said that would also help couples develop stronger marriages.
“I think it would have really good results,” she said. and I think you're a moron, but nobody listens to me... so why should I listen to you? And you, Mr. Day, have just proposed the question that I have been fearing: FORCING us to do something? That's unconstitutional. What about life, LIBERTY, and the PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS?! for me, happiness does not include sitting in a fucking classroom and learning "communication skills" ... I'm pretty sure I know how to communicate, thank you very much! Conflict resolution? Are you kidding me?! I deal with conflicts every day of my life, and I resolve them just fine. Shut the hell up! Parenting responsibilities is the only thing I see a sliver of merit in, and the only reason I see merit in that one is because the little fuckers don't come with instruction manuals!! Even so, it's "responsibilities" ... not "how to parent 101," which would be what I'd be more in favor of. The former course would cover "Ok, when the baby wakes up screaming at 2am in the morning, SOMEBODY has to get up or it won't quit crying. Who's going to do it?" There's your "responsibilities" that come with this "Marriage course" ... SERIOUSLY PEOPLE?!?!Grow some fucking balls and quit trying to deal with the scary reality of declining marriage rates, divorces, and childhood abuse cases by forcing -new- couples into a god damned classroom lead by the POPE, OK?! All he's gonna do is be all "You're both mature, just go get married... but thanks for the money! hahahahaha!"
"Courses could be taught by therapists, social workers, clergy members or others outlined in the bill." So, what you're saying is, "Therapists don't deal with enough whining per day, Social workers don't have enough work to do, and the church can handle everything, including teaching marriage courses because god magically gives them the ability to do so!" You people do realize just how idiotic this sounds to the rest of the world, right?
Onto a different topic...
So I got drunk and told all of my friends during Heather's 23rd birthday party that I'm now Wiccan. Most of them were cool with it, but Ami and Heather were both like "WHAT?!?! Who are you and what have you done with my SISTER?! D= " Yeah, well, I'm still the same person, but I'm just not taking it up the ass by the preacher and everyone else he decides needs to interfere with my daily life. Plus, I don't have to get up early on Sunday if I don't -want- to, I don't have to drive to a building full of people dressed in their best (to 'impress' the invisible man) and fall asleep in the pews while old people sing really soft songs that are DESIGNED to put you to sleep in the first place!
Anyway, after everybody left Heather and I got into a ten minute debate on religions. She expected me to shove my religion down her throat, just as she was trying to make me become christian again... Uhm, no. If she wants to remain christian, she can. All I'm saying is that I don't want to follow a religion that uses guilt as its main tool to keep people on the straight and narrow, requires you to not do a crapton of stuff that's perfectly harmless in most cases (such as drinking or smoking one once in a blue moon, or swearing! What's so horrible about a -word- ... c'mon people. Don't even get me started on the retarded "no pre-marital sex" crap.)
So, because most people have not read the wiccan rede, here's a link explaining it. Enjoy educating yourself, and if you think you're going to beat me over the head with a spiked bible in order to get me to "see the light", just realize that you'll be doing nothing more than alienating me. The only light I'll be seeing is "stars", and that's due to the occipital lobe in my brain hitting the back of my skull, not any sort of divine intervention. I do worship... in several forms, if you must know. but I'll put that in my book of shadows once I get around to it.
This makes me wonder just exactly how much people know about wicca. Yes, Gerald Gardner went public about his practice, and put his own spin on things. These are the only records we have of the religion, because of certain laws that were in effect at one point that made it a crime (punishable by death, no less) to be a witch. To reveal yourself meant death! THAT is why there is no data past when Gardner came out, not because he "created" the religion. Don't believe me? Look it up.
Yes, I'm slightly pissed off because of the idea of being monetarily forced into taking a retarded, religiously-led "class" and fencing with one of my friends who I consider a sister on the issue of religion. I think she's probably going to drop me as one of her friends simply because she and I no longer follow the same faith, which is rather sad because we don't really have anything in common past that, I think... except similar taste in books, disturbingly similar looks, and even more disturbingly similar taste in men. (we both like a good mystery / romance, we get remarks on how she's the older sister and i'm the younger [because i'm shorter than she is, and it's actually reversed] every time either of us refers to the other as "sis" or "my sister", ... we both went after Bryan, and she said that if she were single and I wasn't dating Loki she'd go after him. ... sorry Heather, he's MINE.)
So now I get to have a little rocky road ice cream and type up some things in my book of shadows!
Have any comments? Go ahead and leave 'em. Want me to cover something in a blog post? Leave it in a comment and I'll consider it.
Blessed Be!
~SNT
Listening: Katy Perry, Firework
Drinking: H2O!
Eating: Rocky Road ice cream! Yum!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Emotional Roller-coasters are not worth the price of admission.
Title says it.
I knew it was going to be a horrible thing to go through my old things beside my mother. She made a comment that cut me to the bone, starting with the fire of anger: "You're never moving out, your credit score is too horrible. It'll stay with you for 7 years, you know." Yes, mom, I know. and now I know that you have absolutely no faith in me, your one and only daughter. Ever.
I at first was mad enough that I stormed into my room and threw down what I was holding. literally, threw. because, if I would have stayed there, I would have thrown it elsewhere, and something important could have gotten broken. (Read: something that isn't mine.) I've been in my room since. I have wanted to be violent, or do something physically exhausting, but have not been able to find anything. (dad's already shoveling the snow, so I can't put my frustrations out that way.) I can't exactly run away, or go anywhere, because as soon as I do I won't want to go home. or I'll just show up at Loki's work. and that's bad for Loki, as well as whoever else I come in contact with. I don't want to wreck anybody else's lives.
Then I got numb. I couldn't feel anything. I kept myself rooted to my chair, because I didn't want to move for fear of falling back into anger or what happened next, the depression of realizing that... ultimately... that bitch is right. I'm fucking stuck here because I'm a god-forsaken idiot that isn't worth the air she's breathing. Wound up texting Loki and told him what happened... I hadn't thought of hurting myself, but he mentioned to not cut... it made me want to do it, so badly... but no. Too messy. I will inconvenience people by leaving my watered-down blood everywhere. If I'm going to end myself, I'll do it some other way. Though sharp and pointies do still look very inviting, so I'm staying put.
I feel like I should have never existed. and in truth, I shouldn't have. My sperm donor fucked my egg donor, and I just happened to come into existence. The fact that I'm not supposed to exist is further illustrated by the fact that my sperm-donor ran away screaming like a little girl as soon as my egg donor told him that I existed. Hell, even my egg donor didn't want me. So I'm stuck with these people. Who don't rightly care about my emotional well-being, and just wish I would move out to make their lives easier.
Because let's face it, the world's air is polluted enough without me breathing.
... ok, now I have to take a statement back: My father actually does give a shit. When he told me to tell Loki something before he came over, he actually asked what was wrong. Couldn't say anything, though, because as soon as I vent to him I'll get in more shit later. Because "I started it" by storming off in anger rather than throwing something across the room. I'm sorry, but it took quite a bit of effort just to walk away, thank you very much.
... but yeah. I'm done. Think what you want. Just... don't try to 'make things better' for me in the long-run, because it's not going to work out. It never does. Don't get my hopes up. I don't want to hurt any more than I already do.
I knew it was going to be a horrible thing to go through my old things beside my mother. She made a comment that cut me to the bone, starting with the fire of anger: "You're never moving out, your credit score is too horrible. It'll stay with you for 7 years, you know." Yes, mom, I know. and now I know that you have absolutely no faith in me, your one and only daughter. Ever.
I at first was mad enough that I stormed into my room and threw down what I was holding. literally, threw. because, if I would have stayed there, I would have thrown it elsewhere, and something important could have gotten broken. (Read: something that isn't mine.) I've been in my room since. I have wanted to be violent, or do something physically exhausting, but have not been able to find anything. (dad's already shoveling the snow, so I can't put my frustrations out that way.) I can't exactly run away, or go anywhere, because as soon as I do I won't want to go home. or I'll just show up at Loki's work. and that's bad for Loki, as well as whoever else I come in contact with. I don't want to wreck anybody else's lives.
Then I got numb. I couldn't feel anything. I kept myself rooted to my chair, because I didn't want to move for fear of falling back into anger or what happened next, the depression of realizing that... ultimately... that bitch is right. I'm fucking stuck here because I'm a god-forsaken idiot that isn't worth the air she's breathing. Wound up texting Loki and told him what happened... I hadn't thought of hurting myself, but he mentioned to not cut... it made me want to do it, so badly... but no. Too messy. I will inconvenience people by leaving my watered-down blood everywhere. If I'm going to end myself, I'll do it some other way. Though sharp and pointies do still look very inviting, so I'm staying put.
I feel like I should have never existed. and in truth, I shouldn't have. My sperm donor fucked my egg donor, and I just happened to come into existence. The fact that I'm not supposed to exist is further illustrated by the fact that my sperm-donor ran away screaming like a little girl as soon as my egg donor told him that I existed. Hell, even my egg donor didn't want me. So I'm stuck with these people. Who don't rightly care about my emotional well-being, and just wish I would move out to make their lives easier.
Because let's face it, the world's air is polluted enough without me breathing.
... ok, now I have to take a statement back: My father actually does give a shit. When he told me to tell Loki something before he came over, he actually asked what was wrong. Couldn't say anything, though, because as soon as I vent to him I'll get in more shit later. Because "I started it" by storming off in anger rather than throwing something across the room. I'm sorry, but it took quite a bit of effort just to walk away, thank you very much.
... but yeah. I'm done. Think what you want. Just... don't try to 'make things better' for me in the long-run, because it's not going to work out. It never does. Don't get my hopes up. I don't want to hurt any more than I already do.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
So, rawr.
Hmm, rantings for today... oh right, here's one: How NOT to get your wife preggo! And then a rather personal note at the end.
Ok, I have several issues with that, as listed below. But we're going to talk about the first couple, the one who did the hiring, as couple one, and the couple that had two children as couple two. Also, I would like to state before I get started in today's rant that I am speaking from a monogamous standpoint. If you happen to be in a poly-amorous relationship, then please don't take this rant too seriously. It is not meant to offend anybody... except maybe the people I'm directly ranting about. Read on:
1) Why didn't husband one make husband two take a fertility test, among other tests? Seriously, there are lots of STD's out there. and after reading that article all the way through, you find that husband 2's wife cheated on him, which opens husband and wife 1 up to several hundred possibilities. Congrats, Herr Dipshit, you've got herpes! (This is a German happening, and the prefix "herr" is used to say "sir".)
2) Why didn't they explore other options first? Seriously, there are lots of routes open to the first couple. Artificial insemination is where I would have gone first, not fucking your neighbor. And even if it's found that wife 1 can't carry a child, you can use a surrogate mother! I'd suggest wife 2, but then we don't know how many things she's been infected with. I'm going to have to use a surrogate mother, if I ever want kids. and it burns me to high hell. Why can't they be like the rest of us?!
3) Where did wife 1 stand on this? I imagine she was either coerced into fucking her neighbor when she didn't really want to, or she's had a thing for her neighbor for a while now. Or maybe they were in one of those weird open relationship things, in which case the point I made earlier about getting everybody involved tested is even more valid!
4) Where are they now? What are they doing now? Who else is this man trying to hire to fuck his wife? Come on now, were I in this man's shoes I wouldn't have done that in the first place... I would want my wife desiring -me-, not the next door neighbor or mailman. And, where do you go after you've succeeded in getting her pregnant? when you're finally fucking her when the baby's asleep, and she moans somebody else's name, how is that going to make you feel? First you weren't adequate enough to help her produce a child, but now you're not adequate enough to fully please her or keep her attention. Way to go, dumbass!
... ahem. Yeah, we're done on that topic.
EDIT! My parents just came busting into my room like they expected me to be smoking a bong. They took a look around and were like "There's going to be a man coming over at noon tomorrow." ... Really. Is he invisible? and does he happen to be my boyfriend, because that would be nice. "He's going to inspect the house to see what it'll sell for." WTF WE'RE MOVING?! NO! "If it won't sell for what he thinks it should sell for, then the loan is off." OH RIGHT loan. You're re-financing the house. ... Why does this man need to invade my room at precisely noon? Couldn't he wait until, I don't know, 3pm? Or maybe inspect the rest of the house first so I can be notified of the intrusion and, I don't know, GET DRESSED?! I don't typically GET UP until noon! Geez. So now I get to scrub my room from top to bottom for no reason other than impressing some man who's going to force me to get up at some ungodly hour and give him a fucking tour of my room. =.= Also, keep in mind, that Indiana drivers (except a select few) are, as my friend Bryan says, "Incompetent at driving in anything but dry roads above 40 degrees." I happen to agree with him. This house inspector will probably come crashing through my window at 11:45 with his Escalade's heater and radio up full blast. Or he won't come at all, which means I'll have to NOT BREATHE in my room AT ALL until the weather clears up and he can feel comfortable driving to our house. Freaking house inspectors!
As for the personal topic, it's personal to me. Honestly... I miss Loki rather badly. It's only been 48 hours or so since I've seen him last but it's killing me! It's... it's almost like we've known each other for EONS, and have just now found each other in this particular lifetime. It wouldn't surprise me... He starts a sentence, and I finish it. I want to say something and can't find the right word, and he finds it for me without me even describing what I want to say. Holy hellbent hanging herrings, batman! WE READ EACH OTHER'S MINDS ZOMG (not really but damn close some days.) I'm not certain rather I should be flailing around in fear or joy. Or maybe both. either way I'd rather not break stuff, so let's not go there.
... I really need to invest in a snowmobile or four-wheeler so I can just drive my happy ass over there and be all "LOKI! Just stopped by to say hello, and to steal some cuddles." Then I could also drive myself up to see my friends, in most any weather! I'd just need to make said snowmobile or four-wheeler street legal. T_T
Have any comments? Go ahead and leave 'em. Want me to cover something in a blog post? Leave it in a comment and I'll consider it.
Blessed Be!
~SNT
Listening: Celtic Woman, Níl Sé'n Lá
Drinking: Water-and-I-wish-it-was-a-Guinness!
Ok, I have several issues with that, as listed below. But we're going to talk about the first couple, the one who did the hiring, as couple one, and the couple that had two children as couple two. Also, I would like to state before I get started in today's rant that I am speaking from a monogamous standpoint. If you happen to be in a poly-amorous relationship, then please don't take this rant too seriously. It is not meant to offend anybody... except maybe the people I'm directly ranting about. Read on:
1) Why didn't husband one make husband two take a fertility test, among other tests? Seriously, there are lots of STD's out there. and after reading that article all the way through, you find that husband 2's wife cheated on him, which opens husband and wife 1 up to several hundred possibilities. Congrats, Herr Dipshit, you've got herpes! (This is a German happening, and the prefix "herr" is used to say "sir".)
2) Why didn't they explore other options first? Seriously, there are lots of routes open to the first couple. Artificial insemination is where I would have gone first, not fucking your neighbor. And even if it's found that wife 1 can't carry a child, you can use a surrogate mother! I'd suggest wife 2, but then we don't know how many things she's been infected with. I'm going to have to use a surrogate mother, if I ever want kids. and it burns me to high hell. Why can't they be like the rest of us?!
3) Where did wife 1 stand on this? I imagine she was either coerced into fucking her neighbor when she didn't really want to, or she's had a thing for her neighbor for a while now. Or maybe they were in one of those weird open relationship things, in which case the point I made earlier about getting everybody involved tested is even more valid!
4) Where are they now? What are they doing now? Who else is this man trying to hire to fuck his wife? Come on now, were I in this man's shoes I wouldn't have done that in the first place... I would want my wife desiring -me-, not the next door neighbor or mailman. And, where do you go after you've succeeded in getting her pregnant? when you're finally fucking her when the baby's asleep, and she moans somebody else's name, how is that going to make you feel? First you weren't adequate enough to help her produce a child, but now you're not adequate enough to fully please her or keep her attention. Way to go, dumbass!
... ahem. Yeah, we're done on that topic.
EDIT! My parents just came busting into my room like they expected me to be smoking a bong. They took a look around and were like "There's going to be a man coming over at noon tomorrow." ... Really. Is he invisible? and does he happen to be my boyfriend, because that would be nice. "He's going to inspect the house to see what it'll sell for." WTF WE'RE MOVING?! NO! "If it won't sell for what he thinks it should sell for, then the loan is off." OH RIGHT loan. You're re-financing the house. ... Why does this man need to invade my room at precisely noon? Couldn't he wait until, I don't know, 3pm? Or maybe inspect the rest of the house first so I can be notified of the intrusion and, I don't know, GET DRESSED?! I don't typically GET UP until noon! Geez. So now I get to scrub my room from top to bottom for no reason other than impressing some man who's going to force me to get up at some ungodly hour and give him a fucking tour of my room. =.= Also, keep in mind, that Indiana drivers (except a select few) are, as my friend Bryan says, "Incompetent at driving in anything but dry roads above 40 degrees." I happen to agree with him. This house inspector will probably come crashing through my window at 11:45 with his Escalade's heater and radio up full blast. Or he won't come at all, which means I'll have to NOT BREATHE in my room AT ALL until the weather clears up and he can feel comfortable driving to our house. Freaking house inspectors!
As for the personal topic, it's personal to me. Honestly... I miss Loki rather badly. It's only been 48 hours or so since I've seen him last but it's killing me! It's... it's almost like we've known each other for EONS, and have just now found each other in this particular lifetime. It wouldn't surprise me... He starts a sentence, and I finish it. I want to say something and can't find the right word, and he finds it for me without me even describing what I want to say. Holy hellbent hanging herrings, batman! WE READ EACH OTHER'S MINDS ZOMG (not really but damn close some days.) I'm not certain rather I should be flailing around in fear or joy. Or maybe both. either way I'd rather not break stuff, so let's not go there.
... I really need to invest in a snowmobile or four-wheeler so I can just drive my happy ass over there and be all "LOKI! Just stopped by to say hello, and to steal some cuddles." Then I could also drive myself up to see my friends, in most any weather! I'd just need to make said snowmobile or four-wheeler street legal. T_T
Have any comments? Go ahead and leave 'em. Want me to cover something in a blog post? Leave it in a comment and I'll consider it.
Blessed Be!
~SNT
Listening: Celtic Woman, Níl Sé'n Lá
Drinking: Water-and-I-wish-it-was-a-Guinness!
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Wooo!
So yeah, This is my personal blog that's been revamped.
But yeah, I'm Sasha Nichole Thomas, a rather opinionated 24 year old female. But as you can probably guess from the web address, this is where I rant and rave about things passionate to my heart. This blog has no other purpose but that - to let off steam, and hopefully inform some friends of mine what's going on in the process.
Oh hey, I have other stuff too! Check out the other pages associated with this blog at the top to find other things that I own! They'll include links to a blog where I display my writing, as well as a book of shadows.
I will ask said friends to keep my real name under wraps. All of my blogs use my pen name for when I get published. I DO NOT WANT several hundred people at my door after I've published my work. That warning is only for those of you (you know who you are) who are incapable of keeping secrets.
I will hunt you down. ^_^ You have been warned. <3
AHEM! anyway. Rants.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Today's rants are: weather, jobs, boyfriends, 2012.
WEATHER
... holy jesus-tits on crack from a bucket, what the fuck happened to all the warm in the world?!?! and to top that off it fucking RAINED! There's ice EVERYWHERE! ... it'd be fucking awesome if I had a pair of ice skates and knew how to use them, or maybe if I was 12. but here and now, the world has just died. For example, something that my friend Bryan said to me about a year ago has stuck with me for quite some time now, and I don't think he'll ever be able to live it down: "... It's like mother nature kicks the earth and says 'STAY DOWN!' ..." ... that's more than likely horribly out of context but it suits my purposes here perfectly. ^_^
JOBS
Ok, so here's the shtick: I have been unemployed since summer of 2009. However, I'm not a bum. I've been looking for jobs. Not night and day like I should be, but then again I'd like to enjoy life before the 2012 world-explosions, thank you very much. I've noticed that whenever I apply somewhere I get one of two responses: "you're over-qualified" or "you don't meet our requirements, but we'll keep your resume for X seconds!" ... WTFRANCH?!?!?! I mean COME ON, people!! Since when was "over-qualified" a bad thing?! That's their polite way of saying "Uhm, no, we can't employ you because we feel we couldn't afford you." or "Why are you wanting to work here? You should be applying at -insert company name here-"
... wtf. And the "you don't meet our requirements" is their politically correct way of saying "FUCK YOU." for any of several reasons: 1) I'm not male. 2) My job history sucks. 3) I don't have any transportation other than my BIKE. 4) I don't have -insert qualification here- 5) I won't suck cock for the position in question.
BOYFRIENDS
I love my boyfriend dearly. Else I wouldn't be with him. And I have no problems with anything that other people consider "wrong" with him. I think he is perfect. Yes, I realize that he has problems. But doesn't everybody? C'mon now. I would only change one thing about him, and that one thing is I would remove his diabetes from him. Other people? Other people would rather see these things about him changed that I am perfectly fine with: 1) his age. He's 39, I'm 24. I have no problem with this. 2) He makes close to no money. Ok, so what. Money isn't everything, people. 3) He lives with his parents. SEE NUMBER TWO!
4) He has no vehicle. Again with the material possessions, people? See number two, yet again! 5) His religion. And since when does religion give the base for a good relationship? So he's Buddhist and Wiccan. So what? When I go to bed at night I know he dreams about me, and that's more than most people can say about their HUSBANDS. So STFU.
2012
I really wish that people would shut up about 2012 being the end of the world. Look at what happened with Y2K... We're all still alive! Holy fucking frying fritters, batman! ... no surprise there. To be honest, I think the same thing's going to happen with 2012. The Mayan calendar ends in 2012. Well, guess what - the Mayans have been long gone. for centuries! They didn't see a need to project any further than 2012. YOU look up when they became extinct, versus when their calendar was made. Do YOU see any reason that they would have continued it just one more year? hmm? Because I certainly don't.
Have any comments? Go ahead and leave 'em. Want me to cover something in a blog post? Leave it in a comment and I'll consider it.
Blessed Be!
~SNT
But yeah, I'm Sasha Nichole Thomas, a rather opinionated 24 year old female. But as you can probably guess from the web address, this is where I rant and rave about things passionate to my heart. This blog has no other purpose but that - to let off steam, and hopefully inform some friends of mine what's going on in the process.
Oh hey, I have other stuff too! Check out the other pages associated with this blog at the top to find other things that I own! They'll include links to a blog where I display my writing, as well as a book of shadows.
I will ask said friends to keep my real name under wraps. All of my blogs use my pen name for when I get published. I DO NOT WANT several hundred people at my door after I've published my work. That warning is only for those of you (you know who you are) who are incapable of keeping secrets.
I will hunt you down. ^_^ You have been warned. <3
AHEM! anyway. Rants.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Today's rants are: weather, jobs, boyfriends, 2012.
WEATHER
... holy jesus-tits on crack from a bucket, what the fuck happened to all the warm in the world?!?! and to top that off it fucking RAINED! There's ice EVERYWHERE! ... it'd be fucking awesome if I had a pair of ice skates and knew how to use them, or maybe if I was 12. but here and now, the world has just died. For example, something that my friend Bryan said to me about a year ago has stuck with me for quite some time now, and I don't think he'll ever be able to live it down: "... It's like mother nature kicks the earth and says 'STAY DOWN!' ..." ... that's more than likely horribly out of context but it suits my purposes here perfectly. ^_^
JOBS
Ok, so here's the shtick: I have been unemployed since summer of 2009. However, I'm not a bum. I've been looking for jobs. Not night and day like I should be, but then again I'd like to enjoy life before the 2012 world-explosions, thank you very much. I've noticed that whenever I apply somewhere I get one of two responses: "you're over-qualified" or "you don't meet our requirements, but we'll keep your resume for X seconds!" ... WTFRANCH?!?!?! I mean COME ON, people!! Since when was "over-qualified" a bad thing?! That's their polite way of saying "Uhm, no, we can't employ you because we feel we couldn't afford you." or "Why are you wanting to work here? You should be applying at -insert company name here-"
... wtf. And the "you don't meet our requirements" is their politically correct way of saying "FUCK YOU." for any of several reasons: 1) I'm not male. 2) My job history sucks. 3) I don't have any transportation other than my BIKE. 4) I don't have -insert qualification here- 5) I won't suck cock for the position in question.
BOYFRIENDS
I love my boyfriend dearly. Else I wouldn't be with him. And I have no problems with anything that other people consider "wrong" with him. I think he is perfect. Yes, I realize that he has problems. But doesn't everybody? C'mon now. I would only change one thing about him, and that one thing is I would remove his diabetes from him. Other people? Other people would rather see these things about him changed that I am perfectly fine with: 1) his age. He's 39, I'm 24. I have no problem with this. 2) He makes close to no money. Ok, so what. Money isn't everything, people. 3) He lives with his parents. SEE NUMBER TWO!
4) He has no vehicle. Again with the material possessions, people? See number two, yet again! 5) His religion. And since when does religion give the base for a good relationship? So he's Buddhist and Wiccan. So what? When I go to bed at night I know he dreams about me, and that's more than most people can say about their HUSBANDS. So STFU.
2012
I really wish that people would shut up about 2012 being the end of the world. Look at what happened with Y2K... We're all still alive! Holy fucking frying fritters, batman! ... no surprise there. To be honest, I think the same thing's going to happen with 2012. The Mayan calendar ends in 2012. Well, guess what - the Mayans have been long gone. for centuries! They didn't see a need to project any further than 2012. YOU look up when they became extinct, versus when their calendar was made. Do YOU see any reason that they would have continued it just one more year? hmm? Because I certainly don't.
Have any comments? Go ahead and leave 'em. Want me to cover something in a blog post? Leave it in a comment and I'll consider it.
Blessed Be!
~SNT
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