It hasn't happened yet, but I expected it within a week or so.
My grandfather on my father's side, Dimitri, is on his deathbed as I type this up. His doctors don't expect him to last through the rest of the week. My father is leaving early-in-the-fucking-morning tomorrow to go to PA and be with his parents.
I have no idea what to think, feel or say because 1) I haven't seen Dimitri in 8 years at least, 2) I'm not ALLOWED to go up with my father and say goodbye, nor am I allowed at the funeral, 3) He's been on his deathbed for a full 48 hours and I wasn't notified until about an hour ago.
Don't get me wrong, he's a part of my family - but even when I was up there to visit both him and Babie (that's the Russian word for 'grandma') he didn't want much to do with me and we didn't have a lot in common. He'd take me out to his shed and show me some of the things he worked on... the man was brilliant! He helped shape modern computers as we know it by inventing various microchips and processors. He had one of those GIANT computers that you could walk inside stored there (it took up approximately one fourth of the shed itself) as well as various work benches and tools. He once gave me an old processor that didn't work anymore, and I used it as a barrette. I still have it somewhere, I think, but I'd have to look for it really hard to find it. It may have been tossed in the move from OK to IN.
so that was point one I guess. point two... what the fuckity fuck. I don't know what to think about this. Here's the reasons I was given: Everything will be spoken in Russian, since that was his first language (He and/or his parents came over from Russia... that was everybody's first language. My dad is full blooded Russian, though he was born in the states.), the man doesn't remember me (he has Alzheimer's, and barely remembers that my dad is his oldest child ever), and I would be a burden. WHAT THE HELL?! EVERYBODY will be a burden on Babie in some way shape or form!! She has to house them all, feed them all, and help comfort them all! ONE MORE PERSON will not do much harm! Plus, even if Dimitri doesn't remember me, I remember him, and I want to say goodbye god damnit! I'm not even allowed at the FUNERAL, after the man has already passed out of this world!! WHAT?!?! I can maybe make an excuse or two for not going up there while he lives, but after he's DEAD? WHAT?!
as for point three... my parents do this to me all the freaking time. They did it when my grandmother had both knees replaced (They didn't want to 'hinder me from my schoolwork' for the first one and 'we didn't want to worry you' on the second one.) and they do it all the time with Dimitri as well as everybody else's health problems. Granted I'm not a master of healing in any sense of the word but I'm damn certain I can do SOMETHING! Hell, I've been called a protege when it comes to working with energy, and there are energy-based healing techniques out there, so LET ME FUCKING AT IT!!! Besides, I am a family member whether these over-zealous yuppie scumbags want to admit it or not. (See, I'm the black sheep of the family because I don't subscribe to their religion [Russian Orthodox], I don't take it up the ass from Babie [she's not my mother, nor does she know me] I don't speak fluent Russian, and I'm living at home with no job after having gone to college. [they use me as an example when speaking to my cousins to instill fear in them. "Don't be like Sasha! You want to live on your own and be successful and get married and have craptons of kids, right?!?! Yes of course you do."]) They don't like admitting it because, as I said, I am the black sheep of the family and I am adopted. I am not related by blood to any of these people. Dimitri himself, to my knowledge, has left me out of his will because I'm not the eldest male grandchild. To my knowledge, he's not leaving me jack SHIT.
Plus mother keeps busting into my room as if she owns my soul, demanding that I go to the store with her this upcoming Friday because my dad is leaving tomorrow (Tuesday) and doesn't intend to be back until Sunday or Monday. (LUCKY BASTARD!) She feels the need to remind me of this every fifteen minutes, and whenever dad gets a phone call she freaking stops what she's doing and closes the door, without another word to me. EVEN MY OWN MOTHER considers me the black sheep of the fucking family, and I'm her ONLY CHILD! I'm sorry, but this is a FML situation.
They reached all of these conclusions without my input, too. So when they told me that Dimitri was dying and that I couldn't go, I raised a bit of a stink. And they had all of their answers to all of my complaints already planned out, and dismissed what they hadn't talked about beforehand. It eventually came down to "You're not going and that's final."
What the fuckity fuck? I don't know what to do, say, feel or even think about this. My own viewpoint was just flattened by a god damned steamroller, I can't say goodbye to a family member who's passing out of this world, nothing I said to them mattered at all, and to top it off all of this drama is over a dying man.
Disgraceful, that's what this is. It's a fucking disgrace to what will eventually be the memory of my grandfather.
What do people think of this? Is anybody even listening? I would REALLY appreciate the input here.
Comments, questions, concerns? Go ahead and leave 'em, but be aware that flames and/or disrespectful behavior will be deleted on site. If you have something nasty to say, make it constructive. Thanks.
Listening: My mother and father talking in hushed tones.
Drinking: Water
Eating: Chili
Okay...where to begin. Hmm...first and foremost...I am sincerely sorry to hear about this tragic suffering you and your family is having to indure for the time being. I kno from past experience the loss of a grandfather can be very heartbreaking! As for the circumstances...I can relate to both sides of the story. I understand where your coming from with wanting to be there for it all and to be there with him as he leaves this life he has lived...but then I can also kinda get at what your parents are getting at. I may not be on the same page as them with the same intentions but if you haven't seen him in the last 8 years, give or take, you may want to cherish the memory of what you do have of him and not of what he is now. It's a terrible sight to witness and a horrible way to have to carry that memory of someone. As much as I try to remember my Grandpa in his prime the sight of "death" keeps popping back up in my mind to fill it's place. So then I go back to your side! Your not 10 or anything...your old enough as well as mature enough to witness this chapter in your life you are experiencing. So in there lies my toss-up so to speak! Hopefully ya get what I'm meaning by all this. I'm not necessarily taking anyones side in this issue nor am I trying to "get under your skin". I'm just giving you my own personal insight on this whole deal. Anywho, moving on...as for the whole Alzheimer's issue. As you kno I do work for the hospital and a large majority of our patients are diagnosed with this disease. A good book I might suggest for you to read would be called "The 36 hour day". It's an insight to ppl with this disease and what they are going thru with it. It also gives you tips on how to deal with the issue in it. It's very interesting if ya ask me. But when they are in the last stages mentally of this disease it's very hard and stressful on them and it scares them when ppl they can't remember are around. They feel lost, overwhelmed, and scared. It's better if you can keep them comfortable. But yeah...I think I've said enough of this issue. The book could answer more questions you have about it. I'll finish up my comment with this last part. Don't hold your breath on the whole will part. I didn't get anything outta my Grandpa when he passed and he had 3 life insurance policies. My 3 cousins all got a huge hunk outta that but I didn't due to cuz once my Grandpa passed sh** hit the fan because everyone started becoming materialistic and worrying about his belongings and the will. It was just crazy! So I would suggest to just cherish the memories instead of the belongings.
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